Eulogy, First Draft
The bastard’s dead,
That much is true.
What can be said?
It sounds ill-bred
To say, “He’s through.
The bastard’s dead.”
Perhaps, instead,
“We mourn.” Few do.
What can be said?
“He shared no bread.
He slurred the Jew.”
The bastard’s dead.
He often wed
And wandered, too.
What can be said
That will not spread
The truth we knew?
The bastard’s dead.
Much will be said.

Eulogy, Second Draft
He never killed a man.
I think he paid his taxes.
He didn’t join the Klan
And didn’t send junk faxes.
I once heard him say please,
Perhaps a muffled thanks.
On drunken weekend sprees
He shot off only blanks.
On principle, I guess,
I’m sorry that he’s dead,
As most here would profess.
I’ll quit while we’re ahead.

Eulogy, Revised
I think this is the final text.
I’ve got nothing, friends. Who’s next?

*****

J.D. Smith writes: “We are told not to speak ill of the dead. Fair enough, in some ways. It isn’t sporting to assail those who aren’t present to defend themselves, and even the most skeptical can still feel the fear of summoning an angry spirit.
And yet. We can all think of instances where the world was improved by someone’s leaving it. Similarly, the removal of a troublesome athlete from a team is called “addition by subtraction.” We again come face to face with Clarence Darrow‘s most famous quotation: ‘I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.‘
Obituaries themselves, particularly of public figures, are often couched in positive or no worse than neutral terms. A multitude of sins is covered by words such as “controversial.” At the same time, a dialectic obtains. I am under the impression that negative if not excoriating obituaries of public figures have grown more common in the British press, and that practice has occasionally migrated to my country, the United States. The example that comes to mind is a scathing review of the life of tycoon Walter Annenberg. We now and again see similar takedowns of not-so-dearly-departed private citizens in local newspapers.
The same issues present themselves in eulogies. I’ve never been presented with a situation where I could take the podium and slag the deceased, and if the opportunity ever does arrive I almost certainly lack the spine and other parts to take advantage of it. My Jungian shadow and I keep in touch, though, and various thoughts arise. Hence this little suite of poems. There are some we come not to praise but to bury, and as soon as possible.”

This poem was collected in Catalogs for Food Lovers.

J.D. Smith’s seventh collection of poetry, The Place That Is Coming to Us, will be published later this year by Broadstone Books. His first fiction collection, Transit, is available from Unsolicited Press. Further information and occasional updates are available at www.jdsmithwriter.com.

Photo: “Good Riddance” by dgansen is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.