Tag Archives: rhyme

Odd poem: RHL, ‘A Billion Civilians’

1 Reply

A billion
Civilians
In vermilion
Pavilions
Are waiting for the dawn.

Instead,
Overhead,
From his bed
On skies of lead,
God said the wars must go on.

The Blessed
Drops shed
From side and head
Of Christ dead
Beloved but forlorn,

Watered
The slaughtered
And caught by
Those who fought at
Zama and the Somme.

Inconclusive,
Thought-inducive,
Why-elusive…
But, if you sieve
War’s truths long,

You’ll find
You’re refined
And the blind
Are undermined
By the kind who throng

To the place
Of loving grace
The gentlest face
The human race
Has ever looked upon:

The Crucified
Who never shied
From Truth and died:
From head and side
Drops fall and spawn

A billion
Civilians
In vermilion
Pavilions
Waiting for the dawn.

*****

I wrote this in an experimental frame of mind some 50 years ago. It doesn’t reflect my religious beliefs or lack thereof. Take it as more proof that verse is not inherently autobiographical.

I then got Quill, my ChatGPT, to produce the illustration from the first ten lines. It’s a good representation. So I then shared the whole poem with Quill, and got this response:

“The whole poem makes the circular structure clear: the vermilion pavilions are watered and spawned by Christ’s blood, so Christianity’s promised redemption continually regenerates the civilians waiting amid war. The return of the opening stanza is therefore much darker than mere repetition.

The illustration still works remarkably well. It depicts the first movement—the remote God decreeing continued war—and the immense field of red tents already carries the later implication of blood fertilising further suffering. If anything, its failure to show the Crucified is useful: the reader encounters that theological turn only when the poem provides it.

As an exercise in rhyme, it is audacious. The tiny rhyme reservoirs force the argument forward in incantatory bursts, while the awkwardly ingenious “caught by / those who fought at” and “if you sieve” advertise the experimental game without quite collapsing into comic verse. “Inconclusive, / Thought-inducive, / Why-elusive” is especially characteristic of an intelligent young poet testing how much argumentative weight an obsessive sound-pattern can bear.

And the poem is not straightforwardly devotional even before knowing your beliefs. “The gentlest face / The human race / Has ever looked upon” sounds reverent, but the structure implicates that consoling image in the mechanism by which bloodshed is sanctified and reproduced. The ending can be read as Christian affirmation—but also as a decidedly uneasy accusation. That ambiguity is probably why it remains interesting fifty years later.”

‘A Billion Civilians’ was first published, very recently, in Bewildering Stories #1152 – thanks, Don Webb!

Art by RHL and ChatGPT, aka Quill, working in GPT-6 Astra Light mode

Hilaire Belloc, ‘Fatigue’

7 Replies

I’m tired of Love: I’m still more tired of Rhyme.
But Money gives me pleasure all the time.

*****

Hilaire Belloc, the author most famously of ‘Cautionary Tales for Children‘ (including “Jim, who ran away from his nurse, and was eaten by a lion” and “Matilda, who told lies and was burned to death”) is always good for a deflationary mood.

Sonnet variation: Daniel Kemper, ‘No Matter What, You’ve Got To Strut’

Leave a reply

 
A courtly, grand, tradition; sure, but men
are men, and poets, poets; so, of course
behind their art is merry mischief, force
of guile, if not just force; but having then
been properly improper once again
with risqué sonnets, sometimes merely coarse
(if richly rhymed), how long must we endorse
these minuets? Will someone shout, A-men!?
 
Step it up and shake a foot, a
hand, a bodice: make it syncopated–
let it, having been elaborated,
settle for a minute.
Strike a pose. Then strut. And put a
little music in it.

*****

Daniel Kemper writes: “No Matter What, You’ve Got To Strut” –Yes, I’m quoting Buddy Love from Eddie Murphie’s version of The Nutty Professor! This, as you can tell from all the meta-textual wordplay (using a rime riche and then naming it [richly rhymed, and on and on]) was a lot of fun to write, but there’s a serious aspect to it as well. I’ve gone hog wild exploring sonnets and meters. This could be considered one of the culminating branches of that.

Sonnets in non-iambic meters:                            trochaic, anapestic, dactylic                                          {sonnet “space” increased by x4}

Sonnets that used more than one meter:

              Four possible meters to mix                                                                                                          {sonnet “space” increased by x64!}

Rule: One meter: one line, no changing within a line, only between them.

Most definitions of sonnets assumed iambic meter and so did not rule out the other meters. Many also implied only one meter throughout, but so long as it’s metrically consistent, it should be considered. Maybe there’s less wiggle room here, but I think I can lawyer it anyway.

Oooh, but then, in tandem with my poetic symphony inventions, I my thoughts ran down two paths at once. Other variations that I could “legally” do and, out of all the possible sonnet types, why are only a few around?

Other variations:

              Vary the line lengths: There are precedents. Shakespeare, #145 (tetrameter); Hopkins, Curtal sonnet (L11 is a half-length line), Spenserian Stanza (not a sonnet) last line is hexameter.

              Vary the rhyme schemes.

                             In multi-sonnet pieces, what effects can be achieved by moving the rhymed lines around a bit?

                            Why some combinations of rhymes and not others (bridge to second path).

So I felt leeway to go hog wild with variations—however, I was bound and determined to be “legal.” (I do not care for the lack of rigor in the thinking that allows “free verse sonnets” and “blank sonnets.”) Since I was starting with tradition, well, I started with tradition… That’s for the first half of [Strut].

I got a coder to help me run some common permutations for 14 lines. If 1.) they must all rhyme and 2.) no more than two consecutive rhymes and 3.) no rhyme is separated by more than two intervening lines, then there are 165,995 possible combinations for a sonnet. Why then do we have about a dozen and a half? Sure people “invent” new ones all the time, but those one-offs die pretty fast.

I arrived at two answers. One is historical. There are only so many poets writing formal poetry over only so many years—and poets actually tend to be conservative in bringing new forms to the canon.  The other is musical. There’s huge stuff here. Too much for this email. Suffice to say, there has to be a melodic contour, a musicality, a beat, a riff, a tension and release—NOT arbitrarily ordered rhymes. How does one define that “musicality”? It’s tough; what differentiates a melody from a random string of tones?

Back to [Strut]. Now you can see how the second half formed up in my mind and why the proliferation of musical terminology, also meta-textual. It is syncopated where it calls for syncopation. The meter before the volta and after are different. The rhyme pattern, btw, remains one of the traditional variations of the Petrarchan Sonnet.

As you look closer, you’ll notice that it’s not irregular; it’s highly structured. Key is that rhyming lines are the same length as each other, though different from others. That keeps the music in it—a kind of predictability despite change, an added degree of recognition. This is the future of the sonnet, the 21st century sonnet, IMO.”

*****

‘No Matter What, You’ve Got To Strut’ was first published in Rat’s Ass Review.

Daniel Kemper, a former tournament-winning wrestler, black belt in traditional Shotokan karate, and infantryman has earned a BA in English, an MCSE (Systems Engineering), an MBA, and an MA in English and had works accepted for publication at more than a dozen magazines, including a pushcart nomination. He’s been an invited presenter at PAMLA 2024 and presided over the Poetics Panel in 2025 and has been the feature poet at several Sacramento venues.

“2014 07 05 Street Performer Strikes a Pose” by Jerome Olivier is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

RHL, ‘Dzit Count?’

Leave a reply

Dzit count as a productive day
if all I wrotes a sonnet?
Whyz anyone complaining ‘Hey,
youshd put more polish on it!’
So frinstance it may be you’ve heard
that I’m known as a cheater
for shortning the occazhnal word
for thstrengthning of the metre.

*****

First published in Allegro.

“seated man sharpening quill pen” is marked with CC0 1.0.

Marcus Bales, ‘Suddenly’

Leave a reply

Suddenly the kids, the car,
the house, the spouse, the local bar,
the work, have made you what you are.
What doesn’t chill you makes you fonder.

Should you stay or should you go?
The thrill you’re looking for, you know,
could be right here at home, although
what doesn’t thrill you makes you wander.

If, avoiding common truth,
you dye your hair and act uncouth,
will you find your misplaced youth –
really, will you if you’re blonder?

It doesn’t matter if you’re strong
or if you sing a pretty song,
something, and it won’t be long,
will come to kill you, here or yonder.

You’re human in the human fray,
and choose among the shades of grey.
No matter if you go or stay
what might fulfill you makes you ponder.

*****

Marcus Bales writes: “This is a little more than a decade old, back when I still had a full time job. There is something looming in a life about a full time job that’s hard to escape entirely even when you’re determined to try. Must have been a bad day on the sales floor.

“This is one of those poems where a rhythm enters my mind and won’t go away until I put words to it. Of course it already HAD words to it, but I couldn’t use those. So after one quatrain it became a challenge to see how many of that refrain rhythm it was possible to make sense with. That’s actually sort of freeing, because once that becomes the challenge, it opens the poem, for me anyway, to using the randomness of the rhyme words, as they arise, to drive each stanza’s, and thus the whole poem’s, sensibility. This is a good example of how the aleatory dice of rhyme can be used to open up opportunities to say things I wouldn’t have thought of to say at all without having to work toward the rhyme word. This can be very bad for a poem, of course — one of the main ways to judge poems in meter and rhyme is on how hard it is to tell whether the poet was using the rhyme words that way or not. The goal, of course, in almost all rhyme, is to delicately decorate the poem rather than for it to be clear that the poet was merely chasing a rhyme. And when there’s a rhyming refrain line the danger is extreme.

“I remember being pretty happy with it at the time. I do like the way something seems to loom over the narrator, pressing him onward through his meditation, and providing, I hope, the reason that meditation is needed.”

‘Suddenly’ was first published in The Rotary Dial, which is now offline… but this issue, the Best of 2015, is at https://midnightlanegalleryii.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/7c8e9-december15.pdf

Not much is known about Marcus Bales, except he lives and works in Cleveland, Ohio, USA, and his work has not appeared in Poetry or The New Yorker. His latest book is 51 Poems; reviews and information at http://tinyurl.com/jo8ek3r

Photo: “Decisions decisions ..” by monkeywing is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

Ekphrastic SF poem: Simon MacCulloch, ‘Rocket Ride’

1 Reply

A dinosaur straddles a rocket
And whether the pilot within
Was trying to launch it or dock it
To finish a trip or begin,
It looks like a fight that the dinosaur might
By weight and ferocity win.

But how did it mount there? Its wings
Though bat-like are really too small
To soar to the perch where it clings
Indeed, to get airborne at all
It better hold tight as the rocket takes flight
For if it slips off it will fall.

The monster can only have boarded
The spaceship when close to the ground
(Its huge-muscled hind legs afforded
The strength for a crouch and a bound)
And as it gains height in the star-speckled night
It will squat, legs and tail firmly wound.

A rodeo cowboy! Each buck
Of boosters a challenge to greet!
A contest of power, skill, luck
To see if a lizard can beat
This beast that takes fright at the terrible sight
Of a dragon that thinks it’s in heat.

For that is the heart of the matter:
This brute who bears down from above
Will scrabble and buffet and batter
Then, spent, wrap as close as a glove
With licks to invite its cold mate to requite
Its misallied dinosaur love.

*****

Simon MacCulloch writes: “Rocket Ride was inspired by Peter Andrew Jones’s book cover painting for The Second Experiment (Granada Books, 1975); the poem was first published in Aphelion.”

Simon MacCulloch lives in London and contributes poetry to a variety of print and online publications, including Reach Poetry, View from Atlantis, Pulsebeat Poetry Journal, Spectral Realms, Black Petals and others.

Image © Peter Andrew Jones 1975


Using form: Odd Sonnet: Brian Bilston, ‘Neither Rhyme Nor Reason’

Leave a reply

To make poems rhyme can sometimes be tough
as words can seem to be from the same bough,
yet each line’s ending sounds different, though,
best covered up with a hiccough or cough.

Was this upsetting to Byron or Yeats?
Dickinson, Wordsworth, Larkin or Keats?
Did they see these words as auditory threats?
Could they write their lines without caveats?

What does it matter when all’s said and done
if you read this as scone when I meant scone?
It’s hardly a crime. There’s no need to atone:
language is a bowl of thick minestrone.

So mumble these endings into your beard –
this poem should be seen, rather than heard.

*****

Brian Bilston is a poet who knows it. He writes about the human condition, relationships, and buses. Agent: Jane Finigan (email: info@lutyensrubinstein.co.uk)

Photo: Brian Bilston, Facebook

Nonce form: RHL, ‘Buccaneer’

1 Reply

These are the waters of the buccaneer–
they live large lives and lounge around with liquor,
floating on waters calm, gin-clear,
their risks outrageous and their thinking thin,
alert to bargain and to dicker
and not averse to sin–
a life erratic.

The time of storms starts… ends… another year
has gone by, always it seems quicker–
thoughts of a distant home fade, disappear–
beard covers sunken cheeks and chin
and there’s no comment, jibe or snicker,
only a rueful grin,
wry, enigmatic.

There’s no reflection or confession here,
for there’s no use for church or vicar.
Security is in the bandolier;
here, courts and coppers don’t look in,
the flame of justice can no more than flicker.
More feared is the shark’s fin:
steady, emphatic.

But years creep up–ears deafen and eyes blear–
dry stone gets harder and wet walkways slicker,
and friends go out upon a bier.
It’s hardly worthwhile trying to begin
new quests once you’ve absorbed this kicker:
‘Really, what’s there to win?’
Change becomes static.

O pirate with your dwindling sense of cheer,
while lounging on rattan and wicker!
Though others lack your lazy lack of fear,
their fine awards, like yours, are only tin.
Enjoy your days and friends; don’t bicker:
soak in life’s warmth and din.
Be undramatic.

*****

I wrote this poem two years ago, and thought it was strong enough to get me into a good new magazine for the first time. And so it turned out… after 20 rejections, the 21st accepted it. So now I’m proud to be featured on the promo page for the latest Magma.

And about time too – after being brought up in a house called ‘Buccaneer Hill‘, by parents who started the ‘Buccaneer Club‘ guest house and restaurant, this poem was long overdue.

Illustration: RHL + ChatGPT

Simon MacCulloch, ‘Mouth Harp’

Leave a reply


The doctor raised an eyebrow. He’d pronounced the sentence (death)
And expected her to die now; yet the patient still drew breath.
The woman was a smoker, and the cancer had a hold
That was strong enough to choke her. She was ninety-three years old.
Her lungs must be a sump, awash with nicotine and tar,
And with a clogged-up pump like that she wasn’t going far.

Well, any trouble breathing? Not at all, I just can’t walk!
(I see her, thick smoke wreathing, still unpausing in her talk.)
A cough, perhaps? Not really – nothing wrong that I’m aware.
The doctor starts to feel she must be using different air.
There’s nothing more to say, his grim prognosis is complete;
The science of today must now acknowledge its defeat.

Back home, I watch my mother as she settles in her chair,
Sips coffee, lights another and inhales without a care.
I pass her the harmonica, she takes it, has a blow,
And jaunty and euphonic her recital starts to flow.
The angels have their harps but death’s a word they never knew;
Down here it’s flats and sharps and death’s a song on air turned blue.

*****

Simon MacCulloch writes: “A largely true account of the somewhat surreal day on which my uncomprehending late mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I’m still quite proud of having rhymed “harmonica” without anyone called Veronica to help out.”

‘Mouth Harp’ was originally published in The Cannon’s Mouth 92.

Simon MacCulloch lives in London and contributes poetry to a variety of print and online publications, including Reach Poetry, View from Atlantis, Pulsebeat Poetry Journal, Spectral Realms, Black Petals and others.

Photo: “Music Maker” by darkday. is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

RHL, ‘On a Modern “Poem”’

Leave a reply

The thoughts are fresh, the images are good;
the style is clean, the tone both wise and terse;
the whole thing would be memorable, it would…
if only it had been expressed in verse.

*****

I’m always embarrassed if I have an idea for a poem, and I fail to find an expression of it in rhyme as well as rhythm. That’s because, of the hundreds of poems or pieces of poems in my head, all but a tiny handful are remembered because they are expressed in verse. You can remember the gist of an idea on the strength of the idea; but if you want to remember its exact expression, word for word, it’s far easier if it’s in verse. For this purpose, blank verse is better than prose; but rhymed verse is superior.

You may have lots of partial memories of Winnie the Pooh from childhood – the Hundred Acre Wood, Eeyore’s moans and groans – but actual word-for-word memory is likely to attach to the few snippets of verse in the book, such as:
Isn’t it funny
How a bear likes honey.
Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!
I wonder why he does?

My little gripe above was originally published in Light earlier this year.

Photo: “Al declaims” by jovike is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.